Sneh Pandya, Ph.D.

Sneh Pandya, Ph.D.

Incoming SkAI Fellow @ Northwestern/FNAL

Finding Life Again

3 minute read

Published:

In my life, I’ve worn many hats. I’ve worn the hat of a student, a photographer, an athlete (not a good one), and so on. I’ve also literally worn many hats, which many of my friends can attest to when my hair is too long or just looks unkempt.

But for the longest time, the hat I wore was that of an aspiring physicist, a Ph.D. student. Even before that hat, I was wearing the hat of someone applying to Ph.D. programs, or trying to do well in their classes so they could apply to the said Ph.D. And even before then, I was wearing the hat of a 16-year-old kid who knew he liked physics and wanted to learn as much about Nature as he possibly could, unknowingly preparing to embark on a 10-year journey that would lead nowhere definitive. This kind of hat I had worn the longest of all, and with the culmination of my Ph.D., I finally took it off and replaced it with a hat that just says “Scientist.”

In many ways, physics became my identity. The “student” hat glued itself atop my head, its ink sinking into my forehead and into the deepest reaches of my mind. With this came the sacrifice of my other identities that I so proudly wore – identities that involved creativity, friendship, and traveling, to name a few. I’ve now diligently embraced the parts of life that I had, for so long, and so painfully, willingly sidelined. This summer was my summer to say “yes” to everything that life threw my way. I said yes because for so long, my hat-wearing head was nodding no – he had to study, to work, to publish. Life was lived to achieve a goal: and with that goal achieved, I wondered, what do I live for now?

Life has since brought me to a pop-punk concert on a random Tuesday night on an hour’s notice. Life had me, a flat-footed and pigeon-toed man, running 10 kilometers through the zoo and training for months to do so. Life had me scrambling to (figure out how to) change a blowout diaper on my newborn niece. Life took me to nearly 10,000 feet of elevation in Yosemite National Park, where I renewed my admiration for Nature and her beauty. Life had me spending hours along the beautiful lakefront in Chicago, making up for time lost years ago stuck at my desk. Life brought me to cities and states in the US that I have for so long wanted to visit, but up until now had not had the physical and mental freedom to do so. Life also brought me across Europe to Sicily to celebrate the love of some of my best friends, as well as alone on the streets of London after visiting the grave of Newton himself. Life had me crawling through the mud at a music festival to see some of my favorite bands live. Life reminded me of all it had to offer.

When I graduated, I worried that with the loss of one identity I would struggle to find my next. With my say-yes summer coming to a close, I recognize now how wrong I was. I am a lifelong student of Nature, but no longer exclusively. I’m so happy to have found so much life worth living elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Sneh, wearing his (climbing-running-reading-photographing-cooking-traveling-yapping-concerting-TBD hat)

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